Kevin

Born in Florida
San Francisco resident since 1965

I was a closeted homosexual my whole life. I kind of fell into the computer field when I was a young man. Then I got laid off twice in a two-year period, and I could kind of see the writing on the wall. I only had a GED. So I decided to take the opportunity to go to college. I studied education and got a teaching degree. I ended up going to a church’s school. I totally loved it, and I was very good at it. But I was in the closet. One day, someone came to me said that this particular student had committed suicide. I knew the student very well. I knew why he had done it without them even telling me. Because he was gay and his parents were bullying him. I came out at that funeral service. Because I felt the boy wouldn’t have killed himself if he knew he had a gay teacher that liked him. I thought because I was very popular and very well loved…I thought I’d get a pass. That people would say, “We’ve known you your whole life, we’ve seen you grow into this great teacher. After 20 years of computers, we’ve seen you blossom into this new, authentic human being.” But they never even let me back into the classroom to say goodbye or anything. I lost everything. I lost my support system. My church was my family. I became homeless over this. I try to be hopeful but it’s a pretend hopefulness. It’s like my pretend straightness from before. I try to say maybe I can still find love, maybe I can still find joy, ya know. I want to be that guy that’s giddy and says “look my toes are hardly touching the pavement!” I want to know if that’s real or if that’s just in cartoons.

 

“Yes Please but Maybe No Thank You”
By Kevin

For me, no drug addicts, no alchies, no winos
No folks who forgot how fast the time goes
I want someone keen, very sharp on the scene
New to the town and hip to the lowdown
I’ll hope for an equal except just a bit smarter
Keeps me on my toes, a conversation starter
A person who knew me long before time
Someone that can sometimes just read my mind
Someone that can say slow down
Or say balls to the wind, this isn’t our town
I know it’s impossible looking old as I do
Wanting so hungry as if I were new
I just want the moon and half of the stars
I just want a person who will ignore my scars
A much better speller would also be nice
Someone that’s good at breaking the ice
Someone who cuts just the right slice
Someone who is ready to toss all the dice
Someone who rides the magic bus
Or will take a magic carpet ride
One who refrains from the need to cuss
One who is proud to stand by my side
I need a person who won’t block my car in
Not in the drive nor in the garage
Someone not easily shocked by my sin
Someone who my feet will massage
I’ll feel contentment most of the time
A sense of the French laissez fare
A poet asks not for reason but rhyme
Asking too much can lead to despair
Let it be like a bolt straight out of the blues
The sun will shine on our side of the street
We’ll see the world in new heightened hues
The friends in our garden will make life complete.